Cool Music Weekend #3: Dimmu Borgir

I love Dimmu Borgir.

Yeah, I said it. Don't laugh.

Why do I love Dimmu Borgir, which is one of the most controversial and disliked black heavy metal bands around today? Well, for one thing they're a more diverse and yes, talented, band than a lot of people might give them credit for. All of the musicians involved are very good at what they do, and they can produce some genuinely beautiful music. Dimmu Borgir can do symphonic black metal that's almost operatic or just nasty, angry stuff that's pounding and aggressive (and yet Mustis the keyboardist somehow still works in those great Hammer-Horror organs). They can also do purely symphonic music, as well.

And BTW, to those who say Dimmu sold out after their last album in Norwegian, well, they've ALWAYS had symphonic elements in their work, and yes, I wish they'd go back to singing in Norwegian, too. Mainly because I think that with few exceptions, their (English) lyrics are the weakest thing about the band. But the rest of Dimmu Borgir is really cool.

Behold the musical diversity of Dimmu below. First up, the pounding and absolutely ferocious "Spellbound (by the Devil)", which still has some symphonic elements towards the end. Also, Mustis on organs. I feel like I should be watching a Christopher Lee vampire film while listening to this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAXuUkDoBKw

My personal favorite of theirs, "A Succubus in Rapture", which actually has some of their better English lyrics, because it actually tells something of a story (about something other than Satan, no less!) and isn't all "blah-blah Satan" all the time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tVjDPyFYkw

"Puritania" is pretty ferocious-sounding, too, and it has more of an electronic, quasi-industrial, almost science-fiction edge to it. I also like the lyrics in this one, because it's like a story being told from the point of view of aliens or demons or whatever who are annihilating humanity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTssCybx2lQ

And finally, here's "Fear and Wonder". Composed by keyboardist Mustis, it is entirely symphonic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCwKEGWs5bg

So... with that in mind, is Dimmu Borgir cheesy? Yes, extremely so; their public image checks off just about every little box in a "Black Metal Caricature" checklist. (And that is probably one of the reasons I like them, given that they're sooo metal and dark and brutal that they're about the closest the human race will ever come to a real-life version of Dethklok.) Are they also extremely, extremely talented? Yes. And there's another reason I like them, too.

"Midnight Meat Train" FINALLY coming to DVD.

According to horror website iconsoffright, it'll be released on Feb. 27 of the Noo Yeer.

Awesome. And when I say "Awesome", I mean "Finally!", and when I say "Finally!" I mean for it to sound like this: "FIIII-NUUH-LEEEE!" This film was really, REALLY screwed over at the box office; I had literally been waiting MONTHS to see this bad boy's bloody self on the big screen, and whaddaya know? Apparently back-biting macho-posturing at LionsGate killed "Midnight Meat Train" deader than a dead thing that is no longer living. Damn.

And yet, I can still find something to whine about with this upcoming DVD release. It only has three extras, according to iconsoffright. They are as follows:

- Anatomy of a Murder: the Making of The Midnight Meat Train featurette
- World of Clive Barker featurette
- Mahogany's Bag featurette

Only three? No commentaries? No conceptual art? Just "featurettes", not full-blooded features? Come on! However, I really should be thankful that this is getting any features at all, considering how deep LionsGate tried to bury it (I almost wrote "hard and deep", but that just sounds dirty). At least it has features, unlike the completely bare-bones American DVD of Frontier(s).

Still... Midnight Meat Train's comin' to town! Now if only Barker would hurry up and finish the Abarat series....

Why I currently feel charitably disposed towards the French.

Sure, the French may be grossly stereotyped by us gross Americans as an America-hating, cheese-nibbling, wine-slurping, beret-wearing, Eiffel-towering arrogant bunch of Surrender Monkeys with a vaguely snide-sounding language that they're terribly proud of (and want to keep nice and pure like a kid wants to keep his green beans out of his mashed potatoes and gravy, thank you very much), but damn, if these people don't make some great horror movies.

Frankly (pun intended), some of the nastiest, most extreme horror movies that have come out of Europe in recent memory have been French. In these flicks, the blood flows like fine French wine as legions of hapless Gallic movie stars are sliced, diced, steamed, stabbed, roasted, toasted, and served up to the delight of international horror fans everywhere like great French cooking. I've only managed to get my grubby paws on a few of these beauties, namely Haute Tension (High Tension in the U.S.), Frontières, and two Americanized transplants of the gore-soaked Alexandre Aja (director of Haute Tension) style: the remake of The Hills Have Eyes and Mirrors. Apparently there is a star-studded universe of terrifyingly extreme French cinema just waiting out there... except when you look closer, the thousand gleaming points of light turn out not to be galaxies, constellations, or stars, but the bloodlust-maddened eyes of all the insane crazies that reside in French horror movie heaven, and all of them are looking at you as their next meal. Yes, YOU!

Here's the run-down of what we can expect to roar out of France at us:

Humains (Humans), a tale of an archeology expedition gone wrong when some researchers uncover evidence of the existence of a strange hominid creature. Apparently, the Missing Link is no longer missing, and judging by how Humains is labeled as a horror film instead of a nature documentary, it's gonna make sure that at least some of these nice young French people go missing in its stead. However, early reports on this one are saying that it will be lighter on the red stuff than previous French horrors, which I'm fine with. This is actually the foreign horror film that I'm looking forward to the most; I LOOOOVE films with hominid creatures in them (as evidenced by my unholy passion for all things related to Neil Marshall's Descent), and this looks like it'll be barrels of fun.

La Horde (The Horde), a French flick that blends cops-and-robbers with... ZOMBIES! And from what I've heard, these won't be the "moves slower than frozen molasses giving the stars ample time to move their asses" kind of zombie, these will be the insane, amped-up "moves so fast that the main characters won't have time to crap their drawers" type of zombie. Personally, while I think that zombie films are getting a little old (even considering the renaissance of good zombie films we've had recently, there's just so darn many of them that it feels like the sub-genre needs a break), I loved Zack Snyder's running zombies in the Dawn of the Dead remake, so this may hopefully be another interesting break from the Romero mold that's been on the cinematic depiction of the undead for so long.

Lady Blood, a sequel to the 1990 French horror Baby Blood (which I saw not too long ago under the alternate title of The Evil Within). The Evil Within was a very bizarre, often dream-like and surreal horror film about a woman who is impregnated by a strange creature that then grows inside her and telepathically talks to her, urging her to kill men so that she can feed on their blood (and thus nourish the growing creature). The "mother" and her "child" go on a road trip across France, slaying as they go, and along the way they develop a symbiotic and strangely tender relationship that's as weird as anything else in the movie. Given how it ended, I'm not sure how they're going to pull off a sequel to the original film, but Lady Blood looks like something to keep an eye on. Reports are that Lady Blood (or at least its trailer) is gory as all get-out, so that's a plus (and totally in line with the original film's buckets of blood).

And for the record, here's some creepy French films that have already landed in America on DVD. I haven't seen any of these yet, but boy, do I want to.

À l'intérieur (AKA Inside), a grim French film featuring a pregnant woman versus a strange, deranged, yet determined crazy known as "La Femme". Apparently this is one of the Goriest Films of All Time. The Dimension Extreme cover art for the American DVD is really sucky, though; I much prefer the restrained and actually quite elegant French poster artwork.

Dans ma Peau (AKA In My Skin), a film about a woman who, after suffering an accident, begins to cut off pieces of her own skin in a bizarre and fascinated ritualistic way. I've actually heard this is not as gory as one might expect, given the subject matter, but it looks interesting so I'll try and find it to give it a spin in my DVD player.

Martyrs. I've heard that this is one of the goriest, most disturbing films ever. Being the curious cat that I am, I'll probably end up seeing this one just to see if it's as scary as I've heard. Suffice to say that it has a lot of torture in it, including (implied?) torture of kids, as well as a really weird cult.

In short, that's all I can think of at the moment. Wow. Those French. Honestly, if there's something in their national psyche that compels them to make bloody, balls-to-the-wall cinema harder and better (or at least more sensationally) than anyone else right now... well, if they're wrong, I don't want 'em to be right. Maybe it's because their language, nice as it is, simply doesn't sound as harsh and terrifying as the tongues of their northern Germanic neighbors, so they don't have a lot of black metal growlers. (Seriously, when you think of horrifying-sounding black metal singers that sound like Satan's cousin gargling battery acid and ground glass, you don't think of the French, you think of the Scandinavians... or maybe the Germans. But never the French.) Or maybe it's because their national subconscious has been thwarted in taking over the Continent ever since Napoleon got his ass handed to him by those beef-eating English bastards. Maybe all that pent-up French national aggression is getting subliminally channeled into wonderfully nasty horror films. Maybe. And maybe it's for the best.

Keep on bleedin', France!

Guillermo Del Toro, Gris Grimley collaborating for grim stop-motion "Pinocchio"

The director of the dark fairy-tales "Pan's Labyrinth" and "The Devil's Backbone" may be collaborating with a gruesome artist to bring a new vision of "Pinocchio" to life. Reportedly, the medium used will be stop-motion animation, and if Gris Grimley's nightmarish artwork for the original story by Carlo Collodi is any indication, the resulting film will probably be a little less of wishing upon a star and more of clinging to your theater seat's armrests with terror at all the weird stuff going down before your be-dazzled orbs.

Here's the link, complete with art. Already I'm hopeful that this could be an excellently dark fairytale that's scarier than anything Tim Burton's ever done.

Cool Music Weekend #2: Finntroll

Finntroll is the band that introduced me to a whole 'nother world: the weird, quirky, funny, and sometimes very beautiful world of folk metal.

What is folk metal? Folk metal is commonly defined as heavy metal, often black metal or symphonic black metal, that takes some inspiration from folk music, perhaps through using certain acoustic instruments, a folkish beat, and lyrics that derive from 'folk-lore' topics, such as mythology and national history. A lot of folk metal--probably most of it--comes from Europe, specifically the Scandinavian countries. It's a very diverse subgenre and has a lot to offer the discerning and open-minded music fan. Even a person who really doesn't like heavy metal or simply doesn't know what the heavy metal genre is all about might find something to like in a lot of today's folk metal.

Finntroll was my "gateway drug" for folk metal. All I know is that one lonely late night I was searching the Tube of You for some stuff on trolls--probably looking for clips from "David the Gnome", which I watched as a kid. Instead, I landed on Finntroll's "Trollhammaren", which is their best-known song and is sort of a staple at live concerts now. I was getting into heavy metal at the time, but the video was still something I'd never seen before: a bunch of guys (and some gals) eating, drinking, wenching, and warring, and all of them were pretending to be trolls. The band were dressed as trolls and were playing bizarre musical instruments decked out with leather and hemp strings and who knows what else. It was bizarre but all in good fun--and the polka-inspired music was insanely catchy. I became a fan.

But there's much more to Finntroll than just "Trollhammaren". They've weathered the tragic loss of their first guitarist, Teemu 'Somnium' Raimoranta to what is either characterized as a horrible accident or a suicide (I don't know and don't care to speculate) and lineup changes that have seen two lead singers come and go (currently, they're on their third, Mathias 'Vreth' Lilmans) . Through it all, Finntroll has remained Finntroll; a unique, creative, and genuinely talented bunch of guys who like to make good music.

Some fun Finntroll selections:


Their magnum opus, "Trollhammaren" ("The Troll Hammer"), with their second singer, Wilska:



"Vargtimmen" ("The Hour of the Wolf") and "Skogens Hamnd" ("The Forest's Revenge"), with their first singer, Katla, off the album "Jaktens Tid" ("The Time of the Hunt"). "Vargtimmen" is interesting because it is something of a departure for Finntroll, not stylistically, but thematically: it's a cover of a Fenno-Swedish folk song that was originally done with a female singer, in an acoustic folk style. Katla crushes it with his angry vocals and the rest of the band carves it up with their aggressive electric instruments--it's interesting, too, because the song is about a man (or a woman, I suppose, the gender of the narrator is never mentioned) who is involved in a love-triangle and is confessing it to his/her first love. The lyrics reveal a frustration with his/her behavior and a desire for it to stop and go back to the way things used to be. The "hour of the wolf" is symbolic of the dark time of the soul, and also of the power of lust, which is personified as a ravaging animal that is always hungering for more. It's very different thematically from anything else on the "Jaktens Tid" album.





And here's some acoustic Finntroll! They actually did an entire acoustic album, "Visor Om Slutet" ("Songs from the End"), when it looked like their first lead singer, Katla, would be leaving the band due to an incurable throat problem. Katla is not their lead singer anymore, but he is still a driving force in Finntroll, as he wrote most if not all of their lyrics for their new album, "Ur Jordens Djup" ("From the Depths of the Earth"). From "Visor...", here's "Svart Djup" ("Black Depths") and "Under Varja Rot Och Sten" ("Under Every Root and Stone").





And finally, here's some stuff with their new lead singer, Vreth: "Slagbroder" ("Brothers of War"), "Nedgang", and "Ormhäxan" ("The Serpent-Witch"). Their new stuff is a lot more aggressive, more black-metal influenced, and less humorous than previous material, but it is still pretty good ("Ormhäxan" in particular is insanely aggressive and catchy).

Cool Music Weekend #1: Peter Gabriel

Okay, this is the first of a new feature here at Nothing but Nerd. Basically, every weekend (and for me, that's Saturday and Sunday), I'll post another installment of "Cool Music Weekend", showcasing bands/artists that I think deserve attention. Or maybe they already have attention, and I'm just saying that I like them. Whatever.

Mostly I'll be posting heavy metal, but for this first installment, I wanted to focus on an artist that's been one of my favorites ever since my teen years. Peter Gabriel. One-time singer for prog-rock legend Genesis, famous "world musician" solo artist, that guy who does some of the trippiest music videos in music video history. (Seriously, check out his videos for "Sledgehammer" and "Big Time" if you don't believe me--I think that "Big Time" even won an award for its stop-motion stuff.)

But here today are some lesser-known Gabriel songs, and they're two of my favorites.



First up, "Blood of Eden". Yes, it's got a trippy music video. But it's also one of the most profound and honest "love songs" I've heard in popular music. Most "love songs" are about that first feeling of love, the time when you think that you love someone and you think that feeling will never go away, that your loved one completes you, that they're your everything, or something to that effect. Millions of dollars have been made off the feelings of first love.

But what happens when those feelings go away? What happens when problems come into the relationship--namely, the problems that we all bring into any relationship with another human being, simply because we are human beings. What then?

Peter Gabriel, through "Blood of Eden" isn't afraid to say that then sometimes that relationship ends, and that it is very painful. "Blood of Eden" is a response to his divorce. The lyrics are all about the pain of losing someone who was very dear to you, about still wanting that person despite the hurt they've caused you (and vice versa).

...Okay, now that I've depressed you, here's a FUN Peter Gabriel song!



Seriously, can anyone listen to this and NOT want to get up and shake his/her ass to it? It's just THAT catchy. And no, I'm not going to be analyzing it for deeper meaning this time. Just be content to know that it has Peter Gabriel turning into a human-sized, human-shaped column of water and getting turned to steam by two dancing fire-girls, and Peter Gabriel's head superimposed onto a muscleman's body, and his limbs being taken off one at a time by admiring women, and that he turns into Thomas the Tank.

Plus, the opening moments? Pimp suitin' time. SRSly.

Thoughts: Why CAPAlert is Insane

Why CAPAlert is Insane

[A note: I wrote this essay a long time ago, out of frustration at the CAPAlert review described below, as well as others. Likewise, the CAPAlert "review" of American History X is also very old. I have no idea if the person who "reviewed" American History X for CAPAlert is still working with them or not. I am aware that different reviewers can have different perspectives on films, and that not everyone who works for CAPAlert--if it is indeed staffed by more than one person, which I'm not really sure about--thinks alike. Just putting that out there.]


I have nothing against Christians watching movies. I have nothing against Christians reviewing movies. I even have nothing against Christians reviewing movies from a Christian perspective--in fact, I wish more Christians would do that.

But if they did, I would hope that they would not be as dense and hypocritical as CAPAlert.

CAPAlert is a site that contains Christian “reviews” (really analyses) of many popular movies. As of this writing, they have 1100 reviews. I admit it’s a bit erroneous to call them ‘reviews’, because really they’re not--and CAPAlert says they’re not. However, since it’s difficult to find another word to call them, reviews they shall remain.

CAPAlert does not review films based on who they’re made by, who they star, or whether they’re a blockbuster (though like most Christian review sites, they contain mostly new and popular films). CAPAlert has a different goal in mind, and the founder of CAPAlert states his mission better than I ever could. According to the CAPAlert webpage, CAPAlert is

“The #1 Christian entertainment media analysis service on the Internet! We give you OBJECTIVE tools NO ONE ELSE CAN to help YOU make an informed moral decision for yourself whether a film is fit!” CAPAlert contains “More than 1100 film analyses for parents, grandparents, pastors, youth leaders and more. Stay informed ...OBJECTIVELY... on what Hollywood feeds your kids.”

I agree that there is nothing wrong with this, in theory. A parent should be informed on the movies they take their children to see. In fact, I think that taking young children to films that are vastly inappropriate for them is a major failing of modern American parents.

To digress further: I have gone to see all three Lord of the Rings films in the theater. I also went to see Alien vs. Predator on the big screen. While I enjoyed all these films greatly, my enjoyment was spoiled somewhat by the fact that there were very young children in the theater who should not have been there. It only takes a small amount of grey matter--and plain common sense--to figure out that films such as Lord of the Rings are NOT appropriate for a two-, three-, or four-year-old, yet I saw young children who were in those age ranges at the films. LOTR is violent, dark, frightening, and extremely long and complex. It is a movie for adult and teenagers, not babies and toddlers.

Do I blame the filmmakers, or decry the content of the films? No. I blame the parents who were either so shallow and unthinking, or so completely selfish, as to take their children to films that would frighten them and confuse them, and annoy everyone within earshot of the child’s whispering, questioning, or noise-making.

But back to CAPAlert. CAPAlert claims to objectively review films from a Christian perspective, noting content that may be offensive to parents and grandparents--content that would be offensive for their children to watch, that is. CAPAlert claims,

“We make no scoring allowances for Hollywood's trumped-up "messages" to excuse, or its manufacturing of justification for aberrant behavior or imagery. This is NOT a movie review service. It is a movie analysis service to parents and grandparents to tell them the truth about movies using the Truth.”

Fair enough...but CAPAlert does not review movies fairly. It would be one thing if they said, “Such and such movie has such and such content, which would be inappropriate for a young child.” That’s fine, and that’s what I would say about Lord of the Rings. It’s bursting at the seams with content that I wouldn’t let a little kid see, especially not in a theater. But does that make it an immoral film? No, just an inappropriate one.

It is this fine distinction that CAPAlert either erases from their thinking or ignores completely. In their view, just about any film that features characters doing Very Bad Things--especially if those Very Bad Things are portrayed in a graphic fashion--is a film that promotes immorality, and a film that may well encourage impressionable teens to do likewise. The immoral acts that a character may commit or is implied to commit are immoral to either view or portray, according to CAPAlert.

For one of the most clear-cut and egregious examples of their methodology, I will use their review/analysis of American History X. It is unlikely that anyone who has seen this film will forget it. It is a searing, graphic portrayal of the Biblical principle that whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap. In the case of the film, the main character, Derek Vinyeard, is a racist skinhead who is a member of a neo-Nazi gang. One night he murders a black gang member and is sent to prison for three years. He swiftly joins a white gang for protection but is eventually viciously raped by his fellow skinheads when he confronts them over their supposed lack of zeal for “White Pride”.

The film follows Derek’s life of brutality and sin before he was sent to prison, his degrading rape, and the change it effects in his life. After the assault, he is a broken and changed individual. When he is released, he goes back home and attempts to prevent his younger brother from following in his footsteps.

American History X is an incredible film. It is a very good film, and a very thoughtful and challenging one. It is also extremely violent and disturbing, contains a great deal of sex, bad language, and violence, and it is not appropriate for a young child to watch.

I would never allow a young child, either my own or someone else’s, to watch American History X. That being said, it is not a bad film and is appropriate for a mature teenager or adult to watch and examine the consequences of hate, racism, and how bad the human condition can be. From this perspective, which I believe is a valid and Christian one, the film can be seen as a valuable, albeit challenging, resource to provoke thought and reflection about human evil.

However, to CAPAlert, American History X is nothing of the sort. The reviewer opens his analysis with this pithy, if absurdly shallow, statement: “Like we really need another movie presenting a school shooting.”

The event the reviewer is referring to happens towards the end of the film. This statement would make an ignorant reader think that this is what the movie is all about, when in fact it is nothing of the sort. CAPAlert plows over the entire point of the film--essentially, the actual reason all the violence, bad language, and sexual activity was put on the screen in the first place--and completely mis-categorizes the film as something about a school shooting. While it certainly contains that incident, it is not about that incident, and it's certainly not about the type of shooting that happened at Columbine and other places.

But CAPAlert plows on: “American History X presented this and the most foul word of the foul language 186 times, 97 uses of other three/four letter words, racial hatred, prison rape, murder, and sexual intercourse. And all in 114 minutes! That is what American History X was all about.”

No, it was not what the film was all about. It was what the film contained, but if the above content was solely what the film was about, it would be a porn/snuff film with absolutely nothing but sex and violence. Instead, it was a film with a message, the impact of which was apparently lost on CAPAlert.

CAPAlert continues, “The swastika represents more than just Nazi Germany. There is much more to the unholy swastika. If you wish to know more about it, visit our Back to School Special from our opening screen. Besides, Jesus does not want us to wear tattoos: Leviticus 19:28 ...”

First of all, the character in the film who does have Nazi tattoos is a depraved neo-Nazi who hates Jews, blacks, and anyone else who isn’t lily-white. I honestly do not expect what the CAP reviewer would expect to see on the body of a neo-Nazi: Magic-Marker drawings of fluffy bunnies? Nothing at all? It’s a reasonable, true-to-life, and expected assumption that a gang member would have gang tattoos, and that a hardcore skinhead would have Nazi tattoos. To be shocked and offended that such a character would have swastika tattoos--or any tattoos at all--is like watching a film that features a casino and being offended that extras are shown working the slot machines.

From CAPAlert: “Beatings, Nazi worship, and nauseous brutality violated almost every sense of the observer.”

Again, I don’t know what else CAPAlert could have expected, and from the way they phrase things, an ignorant reader might very well think that the film glorifies Nazi behavior, when in fact it does not. CAPAlert seems very concerned that the film will have a poor impact on the way teens will act, yet they seem unconcerned that their ‘analysis’ distorts and butchers the very deep and profound themes that American History X presents. All that they see is the violence, the blood, the death, the rape, and the bad language. In seeing the individual trees, they miss the forest and instead wander about in it, pointing and gasping in horror at various trees. They fail utterly in offering either a dispassionate, objective listing of content or a thoughtful look at films from a Christian perspective.

CAPAlert concludes their analysis with “A most vile movie”, to which I say, “A most obtuse review”.

Christians--for the love of God, for the sake of the Gospel--THINK! Don’t just react, don’t just fluff something off with pithy little knee-jerk platitudes if it happens to have content that curls your hair or raises your eyebrows. THINK. The more of the widespread abysmal, smug shallowness of thought, writing, artistic effort, and intellect that I see in American Christendom, the more I admire men like C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien--who were deeply Christian writers and philosophers who challenged themselves, their friends, and everyone who reads their works. They thought deeply about a variety of things. I’m not saying that everyone has to have the intellect of a Tolkien or a Lewis, but it wouldn’t hurt to have more depth in the world of on-line Christian thought... especially when it comes to tackling the review of films from a “Christian worldview”.

CAPAlert's review of "American History X".

A round-up of all the current "Descent 2" news..

Okay, since I have a blog and since I loved The Descent like crazy, and because I can't wait for the sequel, I'm compiling all the news about it here. There hasn't been any new stuff about it for a while, which is extremely frustrating, but what we DO have is very in-depth and quite fascinating. I'm very hopeful that we'll get a great successor to one of the better modern horrors.

The movie is titled The Descent: Part 2, and will be released in England in February.

WARNING:
ALL of these links potentially contain MAJOR plot spoilers for the upcoming sequel (who lives, who dies, who's in the movie to begin with). If you want to remain absolutely spoiler-free, please don't click these links!

From DreadCentral, a visit to the set!

An interview with writer James Watkins.

An interview with Shauna MacDonald.

An interview with Natalie Mendoza.

An interview with Krysten Cummings.

News that the composer for the first Descent is returning.

On Youtube, a short "Making Of" spot that shows some behind-the-scenes footage, including crawlers in makeup!

I cannot wait for this film to hit America! I'm hoping that it gets a lot of publicity and a good release here in theaters!

New "Heavy Metal" movie gearing up for production!

A new Heavy Metal movie may be in the works!

From MTV.com: "According to a piece on Slashfilm, in addition to a geek-drool-worthy line-up of directors attached thus far (which, as with the original version, the updated film is rumored to be an anthology made up of four or five different, self-contained stories), Eastman also said that after some disagreements with Paramount that nearly caused a falling out, “Heavy Metal” is officially back on at the studio."

And from IGN: "Here's one we didn't see coming: Se7en and Fight Club filmmaker David Fincher is working with Paramount Pictures to bring an edgy, R-rated animated film based on the sci-fi/fantasy mag Heavy Metal to the big screen."

This sounds really, really cool, with a great list of reported directors, including David Fincher, Zack Snyder, and Gore Verbinski. However, the ONLY thing I don't like about the news at IGN is that it looks like the film's animation might be CGI. C'mon, guys! I'm sick and tired of EVERY animated film being CGI! Stop-motion is rare enough as it is. Let's bring back some good old-fashioned 2-D animation. I love that stuff.

Still, I can't look a gift horse in the mouth for too long, now can I? Any opportunity for adult animation that pushes genre conventions and expectations is good news to me. I actually really enjoyed the singular storyline in Heavy Metal 2000, but I'm hoping for this one to be closer to the spirit of the original.

Let's hope it gets made!

FILM REVIEW: "Creepshow 2"

CREEPSHOW 2 (1987)

***

Directed by Michael Gornick

Writing credits
Stephen King (stories)

George A. Romero (screenplay)

Domenick John ("Billy" - prologue)
Tom Savini ("The Creep" - prologue)

WHAT IT'S ABOUT

Like it's predecessor, Creepshow 2 features several stories (in this case, three, as opposed to the five tales of the first film) of horror, all of it centered around the demonic character of the Creep, the "Creepshow" comic book, and Billy, the kid who can't get enough of the "Creepshow" -- or those nifty flesh-eating Venus Flytraps advertised therein...

The first story, "Old Chief Woodenhead", is a classic murder-revenge tale. An elderly couple who run an old-timey Mom 'n' Pop convenience store are murdered by some thugs; outside the store is a statue of a wooden Indian chief, who the storekeeper has been lovingly tending to -- repainting his face, and all that. When the store-owners are murdered, the wooden Indian comes to life, and goes on a fairly predictable but still ultimately entertaining revenge rampage against the crooks.

The second story, and the creepiest of the lot, is "The Raft", and features four teenage/college-age friends who go out to a rural lake for some sex 'n' sun 'n' swimming. They end up on a raft in the middle of the lake, only to find themselves effectively trapped there when they discover a strange, oil-like being that dissolves living flesh on contact has made the lake its hunting grounds. The tension ratcheted up by the horror of the creature, the mysteriousness of its nature (we're never told what it is, where it came from, or why it exists), and the mundane settings and hopeless circumstances of the protagonists make for a good show.

The third story is pretty effective, as well. In "The Hitchhiker", an adulterous woman speeds home, hoping to avoid having her husband learn of her affair. However, she hits and kills a hitchhiker on the way, and, instead of helping the man or turning herself in, drives on, struggling with her guilt all the way. She is plagued while driving with increasingly gruesome visions of the dead man trying to get into her car, all the while saying "Thanks for the ride, lady!" She ends up battling the dead hitcher, becoming increasingly frenzied, violent, and vengeful as she does so.

Connecting the stories to the "Creepshow" comic motif are short animated interludes that feature Billy, a young, comics-loving boy, the Creep who sells the comics, and a pack of bullies who chase after Billy and get more than they bargained for.

WHAT WORKS

The stories work well for the "Creepshow" format, which established itself in the first film as stories that were dark, morbid, and in a word, creepy, and these fit the bill pretty well. The last two stories are definitely the most disturbing. There's no real surprises to be found in the stories or incredibly shocking twists--it's just a good, well-done slice of nasty and occasionally darkly comical horror fiction, much like the first Creepshow.

The acting and writing is pretty effective for what the stories are about, and the special effects and makeup, while relatively simple, are gory and effective (and in the case of "The Hitchhiker", quite nasty).

The animation is definitely not Disney-level quality, but it reminded me of the original Heavy Metal, which is never a bad thing.

WHAT DOESN'T WORK

The stories are, as I said, predictable. They're basically your standard revenge or creature-feature stuff. If that works for you (and it did for me), then that's fine. If you're expecting something serious, different, and groundbreaking, then Creepshow 2 is probably not for you.

THE FINAL WORD

Overall, a fun anthology set. See it if you enjoyed the first Creepshow, Tales from the Darkside, or other films and TV shows of that sort.

IF YOU LIKE THIS FILM, YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

Creepshow, Tales from the Darkside: The Movie, Twilight Zone: The Movie, Nightmares.

"Creepshow 2" on IMDB.

"Creepshow 2 on Youtube: Death scene from "The Raft".

FILM REVIEW: "Society"

SOCIETY (1989)

***

Directed by Brian Yuzna

Starring:

Billy Warlock ("Billy Whitney")
Patrice Jennings ("Jenny Whitney")
Devin DeVasquez ("Clarissa Carlyn")


WHAT IT'S ABOUT

Billy is an alienated teenager who's perpetually suspicious of his wealthy, well-to-do mother and father, beautiful sister, and air-headed girlfriend. At first his nameless fears seem groundless, but as Billy delves ever deeper into the mystery surrounding the rituals connected with those in 'high society', he starts seeing things that should not be... and realizes that his apathetic and shallow family and peers are not who they seem.

WHAT WORKS

Quite simply, the special effects. Society doesn't skimp on some very sick stuff, featuring disturbing special effects by Screamin' Mad George that are like Heironymous Bosch crossed with John Carpenter's alien Thing. The film also features some class-skewering satire that, while not as funny or as interesting as Carpenter's B-movie horror/sci-fi/action satire They Live, is relatively well-done and fits the film's bizarre bodily distortions and themes of familial and societal/class incest as well. Plus, some of the characters (most notably Pamela Matheson as Mrs. Carlyn, who never speaks and only glowers like a huge, grotesquely made-up psycho) are memorable. And the film's final moments are particularly memorable. You will know what I mean when you see it.

WHAT DOESN'T WORK

The ending, while being Society's greatest strength, is also its weakness. Let's just say that I cannot believe the hero got off that easily or lightly. Also, the main crux of the plot doesn't make much logical sense when you think about it from a strictly logical, storytelling point of view (however, in all fairness, Society is far more allegorical and satirical rather than a straight-faced, serious horror film).

THE FINAL WORD

If you're into gross, disturbing '80's horror with plenty of eye-popping, jaw-dropping special effects, "What did I just see?!" moments, and some nasty satire, rent Society for a grotesque good time. You'll never look at the word "shunt" in the same way again.

IF YOU LIKE THIS FILM, YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

The Thing (1982), The Fly (1986), They Live, From Beyond, Re-animator, Alien, Aliens.

"Society" on IMDB.

"Society" on Youtube: See the trailer.

FILM REVIEW: "Creep"

CREEP (2004)

**

Directed and written by Christopher Smith

Starring

Franka Potente ("Kate")
Vas Blackwood ("George")
Sean Harris ("Craig")

WHAT IT’S ABOUT

Kate, a young European socialite, falls asleep in the station while waiting for her London Underground subway train to arrive. She wakes up only to discover that the place has shut down and there isn’t anyone around. She searches for signs of life and finds a few other people... including a serial killer who’s out to make her his latest victim.

WHAT WORKS

The cinematography, for one. The film traverses the Underground from its gleaming, polished-chrome stairways and escalators to its grimy and darkly-lit tunnels. The sense of eeriness and claustrophobia that the film conjures up during the main character’s first moments of searching and growing panic is genuinely disturbing, as it plays upon a nightmare that all of us have had during our lives: the fear of being utterly and completely alone, in a place that should be familiar and non-threatening but is suddenly very alien and menacing. In its beginning moments, Creep manages to evoke this fear very, very well.

Creep also scores some brownie points with me for making the villain a monstrous but also pitiful creature in attempting to add some layers of character development and pitiable humanity. The exact details of crimes he commits add an even more disturbing element to the picture. I’d liked to have seen some more character development, but this is a step in the right direction.

WHAT DOESN’T WORK

Firstly, it is highly doubtful that the main character would be left to fall asleep, alone, like she did. I realize that it’s necessary for the film as it is to work, but it is illogical.

Secondly, there are several VERY dumb moments in the film, such as a complete failure of the main protagonists to kill the villain and make sure he’s dead when they have him wounded and/or subdued, and the complete failure of Kate to rescue one of her friends when it’s abundantly clear that she could have done so. Granted, many horror films have lapses in logic and common sense like this, but just because cliches and dumb thinking happen to be staples of the genre doesn’t mean that they’re good. It just means that it’s lazy writing; a classic case of the writer putting the story and his brain on autopilot and letting the cliches take over. Which is a shame, really, since Creep’s compelling early sense of atmosphere, coupled with its good cinematography, made me think that this would be a good horror/thriller in the vein of 28 Days Later or The Descent. But sadly, it’s not. It has a screaming girl, some expendable cast members (all of whom are more sympathetic and multi-dimensional than its main character), a villain who could’ve been interesting, and that’s it. When it comes to storyline or internal logic, it relies too much on easy answers and cliches. Creep’s raw potential is such that it could’ve been a good film, in better hands. As it is, it’s just that: lost potential.

THE FINAL WORD

If you simply must watch every film in which a deformed antagonist stalks a beautiful woman, then please, by all means, watch Creep. But if you want the best in British horror, then rent 28 Days Later, Alien, or The Descent, and pass up Creep’s bumpy ride into the long night.

"Creep" on IMDB.

"Creep" official trailer on Youtube.

FILM REVIEW: "The Descent"

THE DESCENT (2005)

***1/2

Directed and written by Neil Marshall

Starring

Shauna MacDonald (“Sarah”)
Natalie Mendoza (“Juno”)
Alex Reid (“Rebecca”)
Saskia Mulder (“Beth”)
MyAnna Buring (“Sam”)
Nora-Jane Noone (“Holly”)

WHAT IT’S ABOUT

One year after a tragic car accident, six female friends get together and go on a caving expedition in the Appalachians to bond and resurrect their sundered friendship. However, the fun quickly and brutally ends as they find themselves lost in an untraversed cave and hunted by vicious, predatory creatures. As they attempt to get to the surface and escape the creatures, their group’s unity is fractured by death, lies, and betrayal.

WHAT WORKS

Quite a lot, fortunately. The budget for this film was relatively small, but Neil Marshall (writer and director) put that money where it counts...into great creature effects and set design.

No real caves were used in this film, but the sets look fantastic, and are filmed in a way that is simply beautiful, realistic, and makes so much sense, given the tone of the story. The light levels are kept very low, maximizing the characters’ (and the audience’s) sense of claustrophobia and fear. Marshall made the decision early on to not have any (if possible) extraneous sources of light in the deep caving scenes, and this really adds to the picture’s realism, and, startlingly enough, its beauty. It might seem odd to call a film with The Descent’s extreme levels of violence and brutality beautiful, but The Descent, with its bold, striking use of color and light, calls to mind Ridley Scott’s work (although, in all fairness, it’s impossible to out-Scott Scott) and the chiaroscuro painting style of Caravaggio. Marshall knows how to work to capture a beautiful scene on film, and in The Descent, he does so often.

Also well worth noting is the respectful treatment of the all-female cast. The horror genre is not one that always treats women with respect; a lot of the time, it seems that what fans want is just more blood, more mindless gore, and more bare breasts, preferably the ones on the women who will soon be axed by the crazed misogynistic killer. The Descent’s portrayal of women is refreshingly honest and non-exploitive; I never once got the feeling that either the characters or the actresses were being used as male fantasy figures (in the sense of being gratuitously nude or used as a subconscious outlet for male aggression) or being pigeonholed as “butch”, “macho”, or “unfeminine”. These ladies are beautiful because they’re fit, attractive women, not because they have breast implants which they flash every ten minutes for the camera.

This non-exploitive attitude was made very clear early on in the film, in a scene where one of the women takes a shower. In the hands of another writer or director, this might have become an opportunity to show some skin and titillate the men in the audience, perhaps while throwing in some red-herring scares. In The Descent, it’s exactly what it is, a person taking a shower. It lasts about one second and is not unduly eroticized.

Marshall gives notable depth to his characters, mostly with Sarah, Juno, and Beth; these are the film’s most important players and they feel like real people, with their own lives and individual stories, and with undercurrents of past tensions threatening their friendship from the film’s beginning.

Lastly, I must say that I found the crawlers in The Descent to be the film’s most fascinating concept, being that they are very strange and alien yet also remarkably human. The crawlers are monstrous, but not exactly villainous; Marshall even hints at the crawlers’ family units and emotional ties to each other. This ambiguity and lack of a clear villain gives The Descent a depth that many ‘creature-feature’ horror movies lack, and the re-watch value it adds makes the film all the more remarkable and intriguing.

WHAT DOESN’T WORK

As nearly perfect as it is, The Descent still has some problems—problems that could have easily been ironed out without much effect on the story.

One, I didn’t like that the setting was the Appalachian mountains. It’s a cliche to put every weird thing into the rural Southern mountains, and besides, America had no native cavemen (Europe, as evidenced by their cave art, did). Since Marshall has stated in interviews that the creatures are descendants of cavemen who never left the caves, this clashes with American natural history. I think setting the film in an unexplored European cave would have been much better, and I also think that the crawlers could have been the perfect explanation for the European folklore motif of the goblin or dwarf.

Another thing that grated on me was the noises that the crawlers made. They were based off of existing animal noises all too clearly. Instead of being terrifying, I found them distracting, as I was constantly thinking, “There’s a hyena, there’s a pig, there’s a...” Human noises, perhaps subtly altered, would have been a better choice for the crawlers, with perhaps some other ape sounds mixed in. After all, since the crawlers are descended from cavemen, so why do they sound like stuck pigs and whooping hyenas?

SO, HOW’S THE DVD?

There are currently two different DVD versions of The Descent available in the States -- the R-Rated version and the Unrated version. By all means, go for the Unrated version! It is simply one of the best DVD releases I’ve seen that doesn’t have “Special”, “Ultimate”, or “Limited” slapped up at the top of the DVD case. It’s excellent. If you’ve got the R-Rated cut and want what’s on the Unrated version, by all means, upgrade. You get so much bang for your buck with this DVD, it’s remarkable that they fit all this stuff on one little disc.

First of all, we get two commentary tracks, one with Neil Marshall and most of the cast, the next with Neil Marshall and top members of the crew. Both of these tracks are fun and/or informative. It’s clear that everyone had a really positive experience working on the film, and their enthusiasm for the project and enjoyment of each other’s company shines through.

“The Descent: Beneath The Scenes” is one of the better behind-the-scenes features I’ve seen on a DVD; it’s jam-packed with in-depth information on virtually every aspect of The Descent’s production, including the construction of the caves, the lighting, the casting, creature design, special makeup and effects like the numerous gory wounds sported by the cast... the list goes on and on. The behind-the-scenes footage is great, very enlightening, and often quite hilarious.

“DescENDING - Interview with Neil Marshall” is a decent little featurette about the controversial change to the film’s ending that the American theatrical release took when The Descent hit our fair shores. Neil Marshall talks about the two different ending and compares them to some of his own favorite horror films (along with the interesting comment that the American ending is not really a happy ending after all). The whole controversy is rather moot, given what I’ve heard about The Descent: Part 2; ultimately, this is a neat little featurette but is not essential to watch.

The DVD is rounded out by a copious helping of deleted and extended scenes, a neat storyboard and screen comparision feature where you can see the storyboard and watch the relevant snippet of film, a really fun and funny outtake montage set to an insanely catchy song, a stills gallery that’s nothing special but still nice, and cast and crew biographies.

Keep in mind, all of the above is what’s on the Unrated DVD; the R-Rated disc, I believe, has only one commentary, the film’s trailer, and none of the other features. The two versions are virtually the same price, so get the Unrated version. You’ll be glad you did.

"The Descent" on IMDB.

"The Descent" on YouTube: the official trailer.

FILM REVIEW: "Razorback"

RAZORBACK (1984)

***

Directed by Russel Mulcahy

Based on the novel by Peter Brennan
Written by Everette De Roche

Starring

Gregory Harrison (“Carl Winters”)
Arkie Whiteley (“Sarah Cameron”)
Bill Kerr (“Jake Cullen”)
Judy Morris (“Beth Winters”)

WHAT IT’S ABOUT

When a prominent animal-rights activist goes missing in the Australian outback while covering the slaughter of kangaroos for the pet-food trade, her husband goes after her and finds a grotesque, monstrous razorback boar stalking the wilds.

WHAT WORKS

The characters are drawn with fairly bold strokes, but they work very well within the context of the story. I liked the old razorback hunter who lost his grandson to the giant boar during the opening credits; he’s a Captain Ahab-like character, and he definitely adds something interesting to the story. The grieving widower also worked very well; I actually found him to be a more enjoyable character than his wife. I especially appreciated the fact that the film had a male horror hero.

The human villains in this story are almost unspeakably vile, but like the heroes, they, too, add something good to the story. They die fairly horrible deaths, but those deaths are well-deserved.

The cinematography is striking, depicting the outback as a harsh, flat, vast landscape that overwhelms both man and beast. The minimalist electronica music score is also evocative and effective, adding to the primal, surreal, and alien look of the film’s setting.

The climax of the film is quite tense, and it will probably have most viewers on the edge of their seats.

WHAT DOESN’T WORK

The animatronic boar, while very well done, occasionally looks like just what it is--a fake latex animal. The scenes where the boar literally tears apart houses in order to reach their human occupants are over-the-top. It adds a strange, dream-like quality to the film that is perhaps intentional, given the fantastic scenery and bizarre supporting cast of characters.

THE FINAL WORD

Overall, this is an interesting 80’s horror film that features a pretty good cast and one mean pig. See it if your local videostore has it. I only wish that it had as lavish a DVD release in the States as it does in its native Australia... I don’t even think it’s even hit the DVD format over here.

"Razorback" on IMDB.

"Razorback" on YouTube: the trailer.

FILM REVIEW: "Prime Evil"

PRIME EVIL (1988)

*

Directed by Roberta Finlay

Written by Ed Kelleher and Harriette Vidal

Cast:

William Beckwith ("Thomas Seaton"), Christine Moore ("Alexandra Parkman"), and Mavis Harris ("Sister Angela").

WHAT IT’S ABOUT

The film starts off in the Middle Ages, revealing the rise of a secret Satanic cult amongst Europe’s Catholic monks. Fueled by cynicism towards Christianity and a devout belief in the power of Satan, the cult manages to survive until modern times by giving its members eternal youth and beauty via gruesome sacrifices of the cult member’s blood relations.

A devout young nun who’s had some bad run-ins with Satan and his cult manages to infiltrate the group. Meanwhile, another young woman is being selected for sacrifice by her own grandfather, who’s a prominent member of the cult...

WHAT WORKS

Not much, unfortunately. William Beckwith does a decent job as the menacing priest who’s the head of the cult, but the rest of the acting is sub-par.

Some of the gore effects near the end are good, but not all of them, and by that point, it’s too little, too late.

WHAT DOESN’T WORK

Quite a lot. The storyline, in addition to being dull, is comprised of the worse cliches of the “Satanic Panic” of the 80’s, played with such dull earnestness that the film falls flat on its metaphorical face.

For those who haven’t lived through or researched the phenomenon, Prime Evil is like a ‘Greatest Hits’ collection of cult-lore cliches: a powerful Satanic cult that is comprised of Catholic nuns and priests and has survived since ancient times... said cult kidnapping random innocent people and bending them to the High Priest’s evil will via hypnosis and Satanic hoodoo... said cult sacrificing people for nefarious means and finally summoning Satan himself. All the film needed was some children being abused and then its cliche checklist would have been complete.

The various storylines are handled in an inelegant and amateurish fashion. The storyline of the nun infiltrating the group hardly seems necessary to the film, as much of the film focuses on the plight of the granddaughter of one of the most powerful Satanists. The nun just pops up in the story in a handful of scenes, looking quizzical with one eyebrow permanently raised. This gives the film a disjointed quality reminscent of another bad horror film--Pod People, AKA Los Neuvos Extra-terrestrials. That’s right, the infamous sci-fi/horror film that featured “Trumpy” and was parodied on Mystery Science Theater 3000. While watching Prime Evil, I kept thinking of Joel and the bots saying “Meanwhile, in yet another movie...”

The characters are so unmemorable that I started assigning them nicknames based on their most prominent characteristics: “Horny Friend”; “Fashion Victim”; “Dead-Head Junkie”; “Dumpy Killer”; etc. It was rather fun, but it didn’t make for good characters, or good portrayals of said characters. Unfortunately, it’s about the only entertainment value this film has.

Finally, last but not least, the big puppet that serves as this film’s ‘Satan’ is quite ludicrous. Legend did its demonic villain far, far better; using an actual actor. Prime Evil’s Satan pops up in the opening credits, just so we know in advance that the heroes will end up offing a crappy latex puppet.

THE FINAL WORD

If you’re expecting thrills and chills, look elsewhere. Prime Evil is too goofy to be frightening and too far-fetched to be taken seriously.

If you’re looking for cool demon effects (as I was), look elsewhere. There’s plenty of other horror films that have way better gore and creature effects; the special effects ‘talent’ in this film was almost non-existent.

Find "Prime Evil" on IMDB.

About my movie/book/TV episode review rating system...

The main point of this blog will be my reviews of films, books, and hopefully even TV shows (on an episode-to-episode basis). Here's how I'll score things....

My ratings system is heavily based on (read: "ripped off of") Roger Ebert's "star" ratings system. The explanations for the ratings scale are below.

**** Four Stars. A great film/book/episode. Virtually flawless and considered a classic of the genre (by myself or others... maybe even by myself and others).

*** Three Stars. A good film/book/episode that falls short of being great in some area, but is nevertheless a fun, worthwhile time. Watch it or read it if you get the chance.

** Two Stars. A mediocre film/book/episode that still has some good elements.

* One Star. A bad film/book/episode that is hardly worth your time or mine. May contain one or two good things, but that doesn't redeem the awfulness.

(No Star). Hopefully I won't have to give too many of these out. A real stinker of a film/book/episode that has nothing good whatsoever. Makes a one-star rating look like an Oscar nomination.

Quite often, you may see a rating of "two and a half stars", "three and a half stars", etc. This is to denote films/books/episodes that didn't quite earn a whole star rating, but are almost there. For example, something that was rated as "three and a half stars" would ideally be closer to a four-star rather than a three-star.

First post, yo.

ALL RIGHT, YOU PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS, LISTEN UP.

...Hello and welcome to my blog. I'm a community college student, writer, sculptor, artist (graphic design), and all-around genre geek for horror, science fiction, fantasy, and heavy metal. This blog will mostly be about my inordinate love for the aforementioned genres sometimes known as "speculative fiction" -- which is basically a highfalutin' term for, you guessed it, horror, science fiction, and fantasy.

I may occasionally post about my political beliefs (conservative) or my religious beliefs (Christian, with a Lutheran flavor -- mm, Lutheran...). I don't know. I haven't decided yet. But this blog will be primarily about being a geek, loving genre stuff, writing movie and book reviews, and offering my unwanted opinions about various news and stuff related to anything and everything science-fiction, fantasy, and horror.

So... enjoy.